the warm hug of solitude
you’re probably familiar with the koan ‘what is the sound of one hand clapping?’ but it wasn’t what struck me as i sat at a mountain cafe overlooking the Ganga flowing through.
instead i was contemplating the warm hug of solitude. how do you think that feels? Blaise Pascal believed that all of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone. why then do we find solitude so unnerving and not embracing?
food is tastier shared
for the life of me i couldn’t decide what to eat. which amused me to no end because at a table full of people i’d be happiest ordering for everyone, taking pride that i knew exactly what would satisfy their palates.
but i sat alone at the table, cold wind nipping at my face as i stared at the horizon and the menu alternatively. i wanted something hot of course. but what? Indian or Italian, i could feel no particular proclivity towards either. maybe a hot steamy chapati would do the trick. or a hand tossed pizza full perhaps?
the irony wasn’t lost on me as i sat there at a restaurant thumbing through the menu and now also swiping thru other restaurants on maps. if i was with someone, i’d have eagerly engaged in and then quickly dispensed with the food so i could devote my attention. to the human(s) connection we desire and deserve.
food for thought
- why was i fumbling when my entire rapt attention was focused solely on my self, not another?
- why was i itching to reach out to chat on twitter instead of penning my thoughts by myself?
- how is it that i can lavish my entire attention on another but am flummoxed when it comes to showering the same on myself?
as i sat down with this choice selection of questions, i knew what i needed to do. ask the waiter. simple. i took his opinion and went with it. long story short, it sucked. but it was hot. and it was a lot.
while i was dissatisfied, i was satiated. but i wanted to whine so i paid up and left to find another road side eatery to find what i knew was missing but couldn’t quite place.
stumble on the truth
when you seek the truth, you often expect it to be far far away from where you are. but more often than not i’ve always found it right where i started. and this was no different.
as i walked out, i saw a cheesecake at the counter. this was it. i knew it. went back to the table and ordered me one. with the first bite, i wanted to whine again. it was cold. but with the second and the third and the fourth, it started to thaw on me. not the cake but the taste. the crunchy base and the gooey top was satisfying even if not satisfactory.
shaadi ka laddoo
guess this is why we say
shaadi ka laddoo - khaye tho patchtaye, na khaye tho patchtaye
loosely translated, you’re gonna regret the sweet of company (marriage technically) whether you eat it or you don’t.
make of this what you will, i’m going deeper into the the heavenly and happy Himalayas with silence whispering sweet nothings, solitude in my embrace and my self soulfully slobbering all over me.
the journey continues, if you’re reading this am i truly alone? follow along or take the lead, we’re in this together, you and i.