how i learned to love responsibility

May 13, 2021

everyone knows that i’m all about the game. the infinite game. i’m here to play and that’s my way. and every one i know wants the same. but for that big big big word. the word that turns every child into an adult. magically.

responsibility

no! get that away from me

you’d think i’d hate the word. and you’re right. i did hate the word. in fact i spent half my life running away from it. i didn’t want the responsibility of being a good boy. a good student. a good son.

so i went to the other extreme and became a bad boy. a bad student. a bad son. if you switched bad with terrible, you’d still be right.

but the more i ran away from responsibility, the more it chased me. the world wanted me in shackles and the entire cosmos conspired to capture me. i kept trying to escape in every way possible.

but eventually i was trapped in a prison of my own making. the same substances that promised to help me escape entrapped me.

embrace the suck

rehabilitation is more indoctrination than anything else. domestication if you will, into the ways of the world. a finishing school for deviants before releasing them back into the wild.

well, i embraced the suck. i did what i needed to do. i built myself back step by step. with what i thought was responsibility. it had to be. what else could the suck be?

so i drilled the protocols that would make my life acceptable, sociable and respectable. it appears i had quite the knack for it and didn’t take me long to be an adept.

i was a bright eyed poster child for responsibility. and i was happy. others around me were happy. and the world rewarded my efforts. i owned the suck.

break on through

and then comes ‘rona, the mother of all fuck-ups. and i pivoted. not a pivot, more like a pirouette. and in that moment i finally realised what responsibility was.

responsibility = ability to respond

it’s not about escaping the suck. it’s not even about embracing the suck. it’s about responding to the suck with a smile. no flipping the bird. no gritting teeth. just a simple, sweet and oh so saintly smile.

shit hits the fan. sooner or later. so retain or retrain that childlike ability to fall (fail) easy, dust yourself and get back up with a smile, ready to respond for what comes next.

plan and play by protocols and keep your game together. but when the game is flipped, the script rewritten, have you the ability to respond?

if you do, congratulations, you’re a responsible adult. if you don’t, do what it takes cuz the kid gloves are off. this is the adult playground and the consequences are real.

and that’s why i love responsibility - it keeps me on the edge, ready for what may come. not wired. not tired. just ready 😉

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