who would you save - yourself or the world?
Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.
i’d love to say i’ve heard this a thousand times over but i’ve always escaped into my headphone cocoon before they even begin to speak. but we all know what this means and yet we rarely if ever, follow this.
mothers are duty bound by blood and metaphorical umbilical cord to protect their offspring while blindly forgetting their own safety. soldiers are duty bound to protect their country men even at risk to their own life and limb.
but what would compel an average civilian to care of anyone but self. the instinct of self preservation is baked into us at birth and it either takes great emotional upheaval or intense training to rewrite that embedded programming.
there’s an ongoing crisis targeting everyone in the world. there’s the difference between my world and the world though. i’m a selfish mfer. i’m not interested in caring for the world let alone saving it.
earlier in my youth, i refused to care for even my world; friends and family. they could all die. i just didn’t care. caring was a burden to my teenage mind. and i wanted to fly high and stay free.
this terrific or terrible attitude led me on many adventures across many countries as i met many people. but i didn’t develop relationships with anyone. not one. male or female. animal or human. i didn’t trust anyone and i didn’t care for anyone let alone love anyone.
as terribly sad as it sounds, it really isn’t as bad. but it’s also the worst thing in the whole wide world. solitude is just a hair’s breadth away from loneliness. and that loneliness is the black hole that sucks all the joy and delight out of life.
this ideal seems utopian and yet everyone wants to endeavour towards it. there no doubt this is the best possible attitude to have, but it is something that each person has to have the conviction and gumption for it.
i’ve always shied from expressing my desire to help others. but if i do so, i’m consciously calculating of the actual resultant benefit to the individual. and that’s the key factor i use to distinguish my desire to honestly help. i don’t support causes and institutions. there’s not enough trust in there for me to go all in.
but for individuals, i can go balls to the wall. i’m a very resourceful man, but i’m not gonna stretch myself by casting my net wide. instead i’m selective of people i choose to care for. even more selective of people i love. that’s a story for another day, love is too loaded a word.
but here’s what i’m finally getting at. there’s a way to be selfless by being selfish. and that’s what i’ve chosen as my way. my unique trait and talent is to stay calm as a bomb. upbeat as an eternal optimist. high spirited like an inane child in the throes of a frivolous fantasy. all while neck deep in crisis.
and i pull this off by being utterly and completely selfish when it comes to caring for myself, first and foremost. nobody else comes close. and secondly, my circle of compassion is tight, definitely not the whole wide world. third, i’m still open to welcome you into my circle.
because in times of darkness, i’m a light and that’s not a lie. the words maybe bitter and selfish, but the light that warms and guides is pure and sure. come and warm yourself by my fire of friendship, don’t be shy or scared. i can jump into the fire to save you just as comfortably as i can sit by and watch you burn. but which one will it be?