why am i writing to you every single day, and who is this ‘i’ that i’m referring to? what could i possibly have to say every day that you’d want to listen to? and what difference is it gonna make to your life anyway even if you do read this letter?
there are so many questions here that have been unanswered and today i’m gonna tell you why they will remain so. yup, no answers here. but let’s play with that curiosity a while longer.
i’ve always been the precocious kid in the classroom who despite his talents, refused to use it for the betterment of self or society. learning came easy to me, as did the visual arts. won prizes aplenty but derived no joy from the experience.
didn’t care to be número uno, so decided to be a back bencher instead. the classroom didn’t challenge me so played truant and got busy with being street smart. discovered early that playing people was as easy as playing with them. shamelessly used my intellect to instigate instead of inspire, to manipulate instead of lead.
bored of the world’s silly status games that i had no interest in playing, i dove headlong into the world beyond. psychedelics, psychoactives, or as the worlds saw it - simply psychotic. this was my idea of a higher education and i was topping every class i took.
spent years hitchhiking across countries without a plan or a purpose. did whatever it took to survive - beg, borrow, steal, con. manipulating my way through people’s hearts and wallets with equal ease.
eventually, as all things do, my quixotic adventures came to a crashing end. i looked like ET and barely alive, i was given another chance to eke out a life among the living.
was lucky to find good people who taught me the ways of the world i had scorned and how to grow strong and lead. to my own and other’s betterment. i began building myself back. and soon i was helping others do the same.
in most cases today, one’s profession is his/her occupation and vice versa. i was never satisfied with that equation. i’ve been a music historian, an artist’s assistant, website designer, graphic artist, cultural chronicler, animation producer, self-defence instructor, counsellor, teacher, small business owner, design thinking & sprint facilitator, agency owner. while all have satisfied me, some deeply, some casually, none of them struck me as the sole purpose of my existence.
so today when Covid-19 gave me the opportunity (yes, i saw opportunity where others saw crisis), i chose to retire and ‘waste’ my life away without a purpose.
so i’m here now, playing with my thoughts, my words, my actions with the intent to find harmony and congruence between the three. maybe you will benefit from whatever alchemy arises, maybe you won’t.
there is no guiding light here. i am just a burning dervish spinning away in ecstasy. if you gather around, you can warm yourself around my fire. maybe you’ll find entertainment in my delirious dancing. maybe you’ll find the answers you seek in the questions i throw at you. maybe i’ll terrorise your saner social sensibilities.
i don’t look far beyond the present. i satiate my lust for life in the moment. i’ve no intent to secure a single partner and raise offspring with her. i practise polyamory and that will continue to be the way i roll.
from being a multiple substance addict to helping others wean away from their addictions, i’ve come full circle. i’ve been clean now for over 15 years but who’s counting? will remain that way though because i don’t want to lose the friends i’ve made along the way. addiction is a lonely path to destruction and isolation.
professionally, i see no need to earn. i’ve no liabilities and loans. i owe no man. i crave no status. i can live alone. i can live off the land. i can wield power should the need arise, but will abstain from sitting on any throne.
Well I’m heavenly blessed and worldly wise I’m a peeping-tom techie with x-ray eyes Things are going great, and they’re only getting better I’m doing all right, getting good grades The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades
so there you have it. i’ve pissed my life away. i’ve put it back together. i’ve helped others hold theirs together. and now i’m doing absolutely fucking nothing with my life. still here? great, you’ll be hearing from me again soon ♥ maybe